Wednesday, April 28, 2010

*T.Notes (&hopefully neefemi) take on TinsleTown*


*T.Notes heads to Tinsel Town*

Scene 1: …Of Nina Ricci and Maple Syrup.
Food Café. Its mid-workday. Mayowa and a haughty looking Tessy sit back to back on separate tables.

Waiter: Can i take your order now?

Tessy's quiet, still busy looking thru the menu card.

Mayowa: (Without turning back)You should try their pancakes. They serve it steaming hot, it’s heavenly.
Tessy: (Mutters with a tinge of irritation) You should try minding your own business.
Mayowa:(Undeterred) Try it with some cool maple syrup-just a few dribbles along the sides-pure ecstasy. You won't know when you start moaning at every bite.
Tessy:(Dryly and abit ticked) You know, if you're looking for someone to hit on, I’m not your candidate.
Waiter: (Cuts in with a small smile) The pancake desert is actually one of our popular selections. (among a certain class)
She appears to ignore his suggestion and continues perusing through the menu.

Tessy :(With exasperation) Fine whatever. I'll try it-with the freshly squeezed juice.
Waiter: Perfect.
Tessy: I think you're rude.
Mayowa: Forgive me, it’s the Nina Ricci.
(Turns to face her, with a grin) The last time I got a whisp of that scent was two years ago, in a quaint shop on avenue montaigne. The retailer said to me, Nina Ricci is a regular among the haute of French facon. A woman who wears Maria Nina Ricci even in its imitation ought to be respected.
She's gobsmacked.
Mayowa: Your perfume, is Nina Ricci, isn't it?
Tessy: ...yes! And...i'll take that as a very flattering compliment. Thank you.
Mayowa: You're welcome (mademoiselle).

Waiter returns with her meal, drops the tray and leaves. She stirs the juice slowly with a straw for a while.

Tessy: So were you really in Paris, or do you just have a tongue that’s made of maple syrup?
He moves with his glass to join her table.Mayowa: May I?
Tessy: Go ahead.
He sits, picks the tube of maple and squirts it slowly on the pancakes.
Mayowa: Both actually. I was part of a theater exchange program organised by the theatre National in paris.
(Motions at the pancake)Try that now.
She does, taking her time to obviously relish the taste.Mayowa: Heavenly uh?
Tessy: I see you know your batter.
Mayowa: Nahh,i’m just a guy who’s game for experimenting. I've been told that only one other sort of experience matches this cafe's pancakes. That should answer your second supposition (about the maple).
Tessy:(eyes him)Its either I keep pretending that i can't read in between all your innuendos, or I’ll have to ask you to leave.
Mayowa:(Leans back with a coy smile) I love a woman who can handle a man's tackling.
Tessy: How often do you walk up to a total stranger and attempt to seduce her?
Mayowa: See, you read me wrong. I have no cruel intentions at all. I just enjoy a smart conversation with a pretty woman, that’s all.
Though with what your perfume is doing to my mind, i'd admitt that the naughtier intentions are beginning to flirt with my mind.

*Cut*

Mayowa: (Stands) Hence I should leave now.
Tessy: Whyyy, i was anticipating tales from the romance capital of the world.

Bukky enters the mall, Mayowa spots and motions at her.Mayowa: (Courtesious smile) There's my date, i enjoyed our brief chat.

He stands, joins Bukky by a further table and welcomes her with a kiss The two sit. Tessy watches till camera leaves her.
Bukky: If I wasn't aware that as usual, you're still up to no good, that cheap stunt would have earned you a slap.
Mayowa: Which is why-as always, you're favourite cousin. I know you won’t let me down.
Tessy: Though i hate to ask, but what's the story? Hard to get?
Mayowa: A bit of a tough one, but i’m certain i pretty much have it in the bag. She is smart though. Beauty and Brains, it’s been a while.

Tessy, who has now finished her meal, gets up to leave. On her way,she walks past the two's and drops a hankerchief close to Mayowa on the table. She doesn't look back and walks out.

Mayowa slids open the handkerchief with a triumphant expression and shows off the scribbled telephone number.
Mayowa: And she's classy too- the good ole fashioned phone number on handkerchief.
Bukky: (Getting up) You're hopeless. Can we leave now?
Mayowa: (Following after her) You know i simply am the master of this game! I truly should be christened Lord...or crowned Knight...., or pristined pope....
Tn:(grabs the handkerchief from him and sniffs) Nina ricci. I was right; tomorrow’s lunch is on you.

to be continued....

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Alert: SOLDIER DOWN!!!!


Soldier DOWN!!!!Somebody call in the Medics!Serious, i need blogsville help!Hence my resurfacing (contrary to my last blog)! Or more like i just NEED to type and unwind abit.

So, Hi people...Xplanation of last blog:Things r sorta hectic right now, so i took a break off work and off life to try to sort things out. But there are two basic pressing issues right now, one of which caused me to crawl out of my hole.

1. I've got a killer professional exam this week, hence my break off work. (I intend to bastardise that paper!)

2. Processes as regards my relocating plans is getting sorta hectic, hence my need for further time to rethink and restrategise.

So, i've been pretty much having a serious headache due to No2 issue, then it occurred to me that i've got all calibre of folks on blogsville who would recognize with this phase, hence, i better start a thread on this, pull in your support/advice an maybe reduce my headache. SO, PLSSSS READ THRU TO THE END AND IF U RECOGNIZE, DROP REAL ADVICE/DIRECTION/ENCOURAGEMENT.

Basically i've been doing the white collared job for about 4 years now, and sometime recently, due to certain discontents i made up my mind to relocate to the U.K for a while, get an additional degree and some work experience. (E.g of discontent, this chic that joined my company recently, my age but she was smart enough to come in with a degree from City University, hence, she's got a fat paycheque and an official Jeep in the pipeline, i'm like WHAT!!!...)But really thats just a minor part of my discontent. I'm pretty much tired of being shackled to the 4am to 9pm, so i want some release, some timeout to think and restrategise towards my bigger plan of making my writing become a job. i.e theater etc...Long story, but thats the gist.

But that's besides the point.

Here are my headaches, for which I NEED YOU!:
1. Its a big headache relocating!!!I hate uncertainty. I hate the fact that for one year i'm becoming a student again and there's literally no fat paycheque nesting waiting to drop into my account.

2. So i have to pull in all the funds i'll need for a year at least. Which is a headache! I used to think i was boxed up(i.e STINKY RICH;)), but with the bills that the agents are piling up, my head's getting sore!!!I'm seeing in my sleep, N1.7million maintenance, N3.2million tuition, agency fees, flight fees....this is BULLOCKS!!!!

3. I hate the thot of not being able to live like a king in my own country!!!I mean, the implication of this is: henceforth being frugal with every penny!!!Gosh, i'm gonna become a pauper?!!!Honest i'm not embellishing myself more than is needed, but if u've ever been a foreign student without family support over there, then u'd get the gist.All the funds u bring in is literally all the support u'd have whilst u're there. Basically its SORT URSELF OUT WITH UR GOD!

4. No more vacations!!!What?!!!I can't splurge as i wish???I can't go shopping as i wish??I have to constantly think of having "end of week rent?!"What the H*ll?!!excuse my language But its Headache Headache Headache!!!

5. VISA ISSUES!!!!I thought i had time on my side, now they're telling me that i have to apply early before the usual student visa rush! Mind you, the implication of that is, i have to fund my account with about N4million within one month and pay a good portion of my tuition fee early, say N1.5million. Oooh God, should i not just abandon this and remain seated where i am?!!!!

6. Its not that its not do-able. I mean, i knew all this b4 i started the admission runs, (which is pretty much sorted now)its just that its all coming in a rush!!!My CAS is ready, but the chic in the school advices i make an extra payment so that'll be included in the CAS b4 she send sit over. SO, Hurry about hurry about, find N1.7million pronto!Oooh God, A GROWN MAN CRIES!!!

7. I just more or less had a rough conversation with Father. I hate going to meet people for money, but shoot, desperate situation here, so, DRATSSSS, i'm burying my pride all over the place here. And, yeah i understand his intention, but the way the discusssion went, had me feeling humilated- like i'm a teenager again! And i HAVE HUGEEEEE AFRICAN MAN PRIDE!!!

8. And i'm not done with him, i still have a list of other people i have to "visit" to source for loans to shore my account in time. THIS SUCKS!!MAJOR, BIG TIME!!!Oooh God, A GROWN MAN CRIES!!!

9. And it would be fine, if i was doing all this to go for one year of comfort, but for pitts sake, i'm gonna be a student again!!!And i'm going to be living on N2million for a whole year!!!Oooh God, A GROWN MAN CRIES!!!

10. And putting up with the racial stuff, i was never a fan of! Blacks who live in the U.K, i hail you. (United States understandable) I just could never do it for more than a maximum of three weeks vacation. The way some of em' look at you atimes and respond to you....i usually just stomach it and say, "No problem man, Na you carry ur leg come here." No doubt, i have some really cool white friends, but honestly some times, i could do without the stigmatisation. Its fine when i'm on hols, but for a whole year sha...God dey.

11. Ok, i should get back to the books. Phew...i feel better now. Though drats, the issue is not gone anywhere, N5million liability is still staring me in the face and there is no running away from it this time. I've put if off many times b4, this TIME, IT MUST MUST BE DONE!By fire by force!!!
(Oya, Holy Ghost Fire! Holy Ghost Fire! Holy Ghost Fire!Fireeeeeeeee!)Lol!!!Don't mind me jare. We know how we pray in my Fatherland.

12. And after all this wahala, U.K BA has bettter grant me the student visa!!!

Selah.....

T.Notes

P.S, Ooooh yup i did feel good from all the previous comments. I'm quarter to being ALMOST FAMOUS ON BLOGGER!!!

P.S2: Check this out:
"How dare you talk to me like that?!Do you know who i am?"
"Who you be?"
"I have over a thousand followers on twitter/blogger/FB!!!"

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Alert: T.Notes gone A.W.O.L!!!


M.I.A: Missing in Action, A.W.O.L: Absent without Leave, Les Miserables, Gone Capote!....
Ok, the title is a bit overdramatic. But point said, I'm most likely to go "underground" for a while. Will resurface in a week or two.
Gossssh,i'm already missing blogger n all these zany insane people!!!!

P.S: Look out for my new series when i return: "T.Notes heads to Tinsel Town". Y'all gotta join me on the trip! Ooh well as long as i know what i'm doing!

Mwuahhh to all my female readers n
"Chop Knuckle!" to the Studs!!!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

yellow underwear and instant messaging

You be the judge, i won't say if this is for real or fiction. Neither will i say who two were involved!
BTW, this is all via instant messaging...the beauty/curse of technology!


Mail!
Baby what are up to?

Mail!
Trying to meet the crazy target! This sleazeball's really jerking my chains, but anything for the contract. Grrr! Are you done with your meeting?

Mail!
No. I've been nodding like a drunk lizard through the whole thing. In truth,my mind's very far away. There's this new lingerie shop close to Keffi; they had displayed this *HOT* yellow underwear. Dang,it'd fit you.

Mail!
*Smileees* Then drop by and get it for me. Pweeeeeety please! And i'll give you a private haute coutre runway show.

Mail!
You can bet that last blue bunny, you'd be wearing that thing tonight! It's a skimpy thong and my mind's not been the same since i passed by it.

Mail!
Honeeeeeyyyyy!!

Mail!
These people are discussing year end financial reporting, ratios, and all i'm hearing is that beautiful sound of my hand against the exposed bit of your buttchecks adorned in that underwear! I swear, public display of lingerie should be banned!

Mail!
lol!!Ok, client's asking me what's funny.

Mail!
Tell him your man wants you home!

Mail!
Will you drop another 2M deposit if he walks out?

Mail!
The rate at which my mind's whirling for you right now, i'd sell everything if you ask.

Mail!
Hmmm!Uhmmm,baby you do remember you're wearing light grey today.

Mail!
Shoot, i forgot! There's alot of paper and reports lying around here; will grab a couple on my way out. (Reader, go figure)

Mail!
Ha ha ha!!

Mail!
I'll have the last laugh.

Mail!
You're a freak.

Mail!
Ain't we both! Where did heaven find this duo, i wonder?!!Some guys don't fancy it you know, whilst in some other cases, the woman thinks it offensive. How can anybody hate such a beautiful thing?!!!!

Mail!
Ask Jide, if he and Rose have this same...problem!What if its abnormal, what if we're turning into all those masochists..whatever they call it.

Mail!
Lol!Whatever! I'm not discussing bedroom antics with nobody!Lol.

Mail!
I'm sure the neigbours can hear sometimes.

Mail!
They won't be able to tell what the sound is. They'd think we're killing mosquitoes!!Spank Spank Spank!Hey,it's a substitute for the sex for now...Baby,end your meeting,i'm heading to Keffi now, then i'm picking you!

Mail!
Naughty. What if i say i'm not coming?

Mail!
I'll bungle you on my shoulders, with your cute bumm close to my face so i can start the job early!

Mail!
I'M GETTING UP NOWwww o!

What amazes me about dating is, you'd see a lovely conservative couple outside, and you could never tell what goes on behind closed doors! I'm just saying!lol!

Oh, will put up....soon!

T.Notes

Sunday, April 4, 2010

All isn't well in Bloggsville, is it?

This is my response.

I can smell beef from a mile away and I try to stay clear off it. But there is no beef in bloggsville is there?

I’ve paid my dues when it comes to blogging. I have my street credibility when it comes to writing and that’s fine by me. I’m not out to make points.

Talking about beef, I used to be active on a certain name withheld such “free-to-post” blogging site. Opinions there are liberal to a fault and in many cases tended to get politicized and personal. Even the moderators were biased and this wasn’t just my opinion. But this is the internet, in other words, a virtual world, thus apart from the few instances where you actually do get to meet in the flesh the people that you correspond with, then there really is no point taking any opinion that’s raised personal. As per the former blogging site, yeah a lot of us took things personal and there were thickly drawn lines of alliances. So thick that people were putting up personalized blogs to attack others, blocking and unblocking followers, and such. People packed up and left for good, then came back, then left again. In retrospect, the whole thing is sort of funny now that I think about it. My point, I got weary of it. I just didn’t see the point of dealing with real life issues then coming to do the same online with total strangers. Hence I also packed my things and left (left some pretty decent credible writing points behind…hmm,now that I talk about it, I do miss that place.)

Am I kicking up dust where there isn’t? Hopefully so, but then again, these are my pages, I believe I have some right to unvent here. I’ve done twitter, yes it’s got its advantages, but maybe it’s just me, but like many, I soon got tired of the whole battle for followership supremacy. I remember a certain instance, I made a comment about this one person and next thing she’s gone on a self imposed campaign asking people to unfollow my tweets. I’m thinking WTF (excuse me)!!!Are we back in kindergarten or what? Well maybe correctly a large number of users are teenage, because I did discover later that this person in question actually was, but abeg, I don old small, and frankly, I don’t have the time for child’s play! Haba!

I have my FB presence too, (which I give one-up to the blogger-you know your smart self-who earthed me out in less than a few weeks, and I unwittingly accepted the friend request without pausing to wonder “uhmmm,this face isn’t familiar.” But typical male weakness, the face was fine, so I accepted. Sue me!). Someone commented once that “Blogger’s saner than FB”. I agreed at that point. My turn on with blogger was the partial personality. i.e, I can afford to keep things impersonal to the level that I choose to. Hence there’s little room for beef, friction or mudslinging. But I’m wrong aren’t I?? The people who have been here long enough should kindly refute me because I’m doing some blog rounds late into the night and I’m seeing traces of that unfamiliar hostility/unnecessary ruffling of feathers. I did my best not to make any comment, it was hard but I moved on. Instead I put up THIS post without making mentions of names. I have a certain friend here (not Nigerian) who a while back put up such a post as this once. The background was that she’d posted something and some certain people had attacked her and taken things personal. I know that street all too well, but somehow, I hadn’t seen such amongst my fellow Naija bloggers, so I sort of thought, hmmm, this common nationality factor’s actually keeping things sane, matured and comfy here. Hmmm, I think I’ll like it here. But I’m wrong, aren’t I?

With the wearied sigh of a veteran soldier rolling up sleeves, here goes:

People are entitled to their own opinion. People are entitled to believe what they believe, that is why it’s a free world. It’s the differing of that train of thought that has predicated the mad hatters suicide bombers and terrorism cells gaining ground everywhere. People are entitled to be smart; people are also entitled to be stupid. If I for instance, choose to have the intelligence of a four year old whilst on blogger, then that’s my business. If you come flaunting your seeming intelligence near me, I swear I would pound a titanic deck of words on you so hard you’d be reeling trying to decipher WTF I’m talking about. If you don’t like what I’m saying, then easy, stay clear off my page. If you don’t like that I don’t believe in what you saying, then we have a right to agree to disagree. It’s a free world, aiye ole. Draw the lines of difference and stick to yours, I’ll stick to mine. Kick up all the primordial dust you want to kick up on yours, and let me maintain my sanity with calm waters on my side of the fence, but do not be deceived to take my silence / passivity as complacency or cowardice. I have been this road before; I still have the bitter taste of ill words spoken still strung on my tongue from such altercations, so I wisely choose not to go there again.

Welcome to my T.Notes…and I dare you to spit.